Help for Single Parents:
Are You Single Parenting Solo?

Single parenting can be challenging no matter what the situation. You love your kids and would never purposely want to hurt them in any way.

But what if your ex wife or ex-husband isn't as worried about the kids? What if he/she chose to drift out of your children's lives? I want to offer help for single parents dealing with this very difficult situation.

For you, - as the parent who chose to remain - what can do you for your children?

Accept this is out of your control - While you can take steps to talk to the absentee parent and encourage them to be part of your kids' lives, you can't make them. It's important for you to accept this lack of control so that you can move on with your life after divorce and really help your kids accept this loss.

Be prepared to continually reassure your kids that you aren't going anywhere - This is a case of abandonment pure and simple. There is no way to sugar coat it. Even if child support is being paid, emotionally these kids have been abandoned. That means you are the only parent they've got. Understanding this, it makes sense that they would be frightened when thinking of any scenario where you might leave them.

So, one important help for single parents is to be prepared for their reactions of fear when you choose to date, get in a serious relationship and remarry. Understand that their hesitations and reactions come from those fears of losing you. You're all they've got.

Give them a safe place - They need to know it's ok to ask you questions and share how they really feel about the fact that their other parent is gone. Be prepared for rages, tears and hard questions. Is it fair for you to get stuck with this? No it's not, but you're the one who's there so you're the one who will get it. They need to know it's ok to come to you. One of your main jobs, while single parenting is to listen.

Acknowledge what's special about them - Abandonment causes kids to assume there's something wrong with them. "If my own dad/mom doesn't love me..." It's important that you're sensitive to this. Am I saying you should put them on a pedestal and give them everything they want? NO! But make sure you celebrate successes with them. Take time to point out what you like about them as unique individuals. Be careful not to be overly critical.

While you may think having them join you in a slam fest against their other parent, will help, that's the worst thing you can do. While it may seem insane to you - they still love that other parent and it's hurtful to hear you speak ill of that other parent even if they are doing it.

Let me give you an example: Your son says, "I hate her for never calling me on my birthday!"

What not to do: "What do you expect? She was never responsible. I was the one who always bought your birthday cards and Christmas presents."

The better option: "It really hurts your feelings that your mom hasn't even acknowledged your birthday."

I don't think you'll disagree with me when I say, single parenting is hard. But when you're having to do it completely alone while dealing with your kids feeling abandoned, life really gets difficult.

I encourage you to remember these 4 points of help for single parents and give yourself a break. You're not going to get everything right, but never forget you're the one who chose to remain in your kids' lives - they won't!

Remarriage Success is here to support you as you single parent. I want to offer you support in your journey, along with quality information so you can make great choices - not only for your kids, but for yourself as well.

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