Single Parenting: Help for
Single Parents in Getting Back to "Normal"

Adjusting to single parenting can feel chaotic. There's no getting around it. Even if the divorce has brought a greater sense of peace and calm into your life, it's still change and with change comes chaos. In this article, I'd like to offer help for single parents as they maneuver this chaos into more of a normal routine.

From your experiences with single parenting, you know that children rarely function well in chaos. So one of the prime strategies for help with single parents is to create some sense of normalcy as quickly as possible. I know that's just another thing to add to your already bulging "to do" list. But, trust me, you'll be able to clear off more than just one item from that list if this gets accomplished quickly.

First off, define what "normalcy" is for your new family.

Life won't look like it did before. It's important for you to get some ideas for what a normal day will look like. This isn't just up to you. Call in the troops and ask them for ideas.

Be prepared for some sarcastic or sad comments that lean toward wanting things to be like they used to. Don't avoid these conversations. Accepting that what "used to be" is gone is part of the grieving process your kids need to go through. Try to make it a productive conversation though.

You may need to start off by sharing some of your ideas for a normal day in order to get them talking. You're not looking for earth shaking ideas right now. It's just the beginning of this journey together. This is the starting point and you will grow from here.

This doesn't have to be rigid. It just needs to be something that you and your kids can count on as you're learning the ropes of single parenting.

That routine will provide a sense of security for all of you. If school's in session, part of that schedule has already been created for you:

• Your kids have school to go to.
• Homework needs to be done.
• Dinner needs to be eaten.

Beyond those things, what else needs to be added? This routine can be daily, weekly or even monthly.

Real Life Example of Help for Single Parents

The kids never chose to stay the night at friends' houses on Friday unless they knew they could be picked up in time for this date with their mom. It was an opportunity to just be together and talk if they felt like it or just "hang" (as the teenage daughter described it).

Finally, don't forget to have fun!

Yes, as a single parent there's a lot that has to get done. Yes, all of you may be sad about the family changing. But life shouldn't always be sad, especially when children are around.

Fun doesn't always equal money. So even if money's really tight right now, you can still:

• have a pillow fight
• cuddle up on the couch and watch TV with popcorn
• throw a ball around

Start off by doing those things that you used to do together for fun. Out of those, create new "fun" activities.

It's those fun activities that bind us to one another. Your kids love you, even if they aren't showing it much these days. Strengthen that love by investing time - not money - to create fun moments with them.

Time is the healer of all things. It will take plenty of it for things to "feel" normal as a single parent. This is just one step in help for single parents. It's just something you have to walk out and experience to create a normal that is uniquely yours now.

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