Remarriage with Children: "I'm Engaged!" How Do I Tell the Kids?

You're engaged and will have a remarriage with children! One of the most frequent pre marriage questions I get asked is about telling your kids about that decision. While this probably isn't as difficult as the discussion you had with them when you told them you were getting divorced, it rates up there as one of the hard ones.

Let's take a look at some do's and don'ts:

Don't: Ask for your kids' permission to get remarried.

Do: Let them know you've made this decision.

Let's be honest. A remarriage with children isn't a decision your kids have a choice in. Don't set yourself up to get an answer you don't want by asking for their ideas. That puts a bad spin on the whole event right from the beginning.

Don't: Have your fiance(e) present for this conversation.

Do: Tell your own children privately.

This allows your children to be more real about their reactions so you know what you're dealing with. They won't be as open to asking pre marriage questions or stating concerns if your partner is sitting right there.

Don't: Let them hear news of the remarriage with children from someone else.

Do: Your kids need to be the first to know once the decision is made.

Don't: Ignore input from the kids.

Do: Listen attentively to any concerns or questions they have.

That doesn't mean you'll change your mind about the remarriage with children, but it does let you know where the work needs to take place and how much time that may potentially take.

Don't: Make promises you can't keep.

Do: If they ask you a pre marriage question you don't have an answer for, tell them you'll have to think about it and get back with them.

This is an honest answer. Making promises because you're feeling guilty or uncomfortable because of their reactions doesn't help. If you don't follow through on them, the kids feel lied to. If you promise something your partner disagrees with, this doesn't set a good tone for your new life together.

If you just became engaged for a remarriage with children, congratulations! Take some time and think about how you want to word things and how you want to present this information to the kids. Should it be simple or excited? What concerns can you anticipate from the kids? Prepare yourself ahead of time for those so you've got good answers.



You may be asking, "How can I continue to prepare my kids for the changes that will happen after I get remarried?" There are two answers: education and support.

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