Remarriage with Children:
Keep it Civil Or Else!

There are many ways to measure the success of a remarriage with children. It's important that these families create their own definition of family success. The typical definition of family success is based on nuclear family models of a dad, mom and their kids. That's not what your family is made up of, though. So that definition doesn't work for you.

There are key differences between these families that must be attended to. For example, when a step family is created, not every member is especially thrilled. With a nuclear family this really isn't an issue. The kids are simply born into their family. Having a choice in the matter is never a consideration. A step family is quite a bit different. Your kids may be resentful that you made this decision and now they're "stuck" with this family.

For this reason, a key element for a successful remarriage with children is ...

Family members being civil with one another on a regular basis.

The emphasis is not on close, loving relationships as it would be in a nuclear family where the children were born in the relationship and the parents have known all the kids for the same amount of time. In step families, the focus needs to be more on harmony rather than closeness.

In time, the closeness may come. But, not all members of all step families are close. Closeness in a step family occurs due to members of the family making a decision to let these new people into their lives. With nuclear families that closeness is usually just a given.

Let go of that definition of family based on a nuclear family model. Yours is not a nuclear family. Your step family is unique and there are endless possibilities with it so embrace those differences. This will free you up to enjoy the journey of your remarriage with children rather than be frustrated because you haven't arrived at the false ideal your waiting for.

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