Remarriage with Children:
How to Help Your Partner & Kids Like One Another

A remarriage with children might be cause for celebration, but it's also
time for preparation.

Remember, it's not just a marriage you're creating. It's a family. This is a significant difference between first marriage preparation and remarriage with children preparation.

One of the most important aspects of this preparation is for your fiance and your children to develop some type of positive relationship with one another before the wedding.

Depending on your unique situation this may be pretty easy or seem almost impossible. Don't fool yourself into thinking this isn't that big of a deal. This is essential before you even consider a remarriage with children with this person. Ignoring this puts you at a great risk for another divorce.

Developing a positive relationship between your kids and your new partner is something that will require effort from everyone. It's not just going to magically happen. Let's look at some important steps to take in helping that relationship blossom.

Set your partner up for success

Try to prepare your partner as much as possible for your children. Let him/her know their names, likes, dislikes, etc. Give them some background info to work with so they have some direction to take things with your kids.

If your children are resistant to meeting anyone, let your partner know that so they don't have this great fantasy in their heads only to be dashed by reality.

You need to set the stage with your kids

Right from the very first meeting between your partner and your kids, you need to be very clear with your children that they are to treat this person with respect. In all honesty, this should be your expectation with any adult they meet, but remind them of this rule before meeting your new partner.

A fair expectation to have is: The kids don't have to like this person the first time they meet them, but they do have to treat them with respect.

It's not your job to make it perfect. If you are constantly jumping in and trying to force the relationship, everyone will see what you're doing and feel manipulated. Let your partner and kids sort it out. You can be there to talk with them separately about what's working and what isn't. Ultimately though, they are the ones who are going to have to create their own relationships.

Don't force it

Hopefully you and your fiance have been dating for at least a year before you decide to enter into a remarriage with children. Why that long? All of us need time to get to know one another. We don't forge lifelong relationships with people in a matter of weeks or even months. Solid relationships require time to build trust and get to know each other. This helps us to decide what level of relationship we wish to have.

Your kids and your fiance are no different. Don't begin fretting if they don't absolutely love each other by the second time they've been around one another.

Give them time and space to learn about each other and to figure out how their relationship with one another is going to work.

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