Remarriage with Children:
How Do I Juggle It All?
A remarriage with children takes a lot of work. You have to be a great juggler, patient and not get your feelings hurt too easily to start with! One of the most frequently asked questions I get is about the juggling. "How can we give the kids the time they need, but also have time for one another?" It's one of those great mysteries isn't it?
Each family and couple has to play with this awhile before they're able to get it right. I would like to offer some
suggestions though:
1. Remember the marriage comes first - This is a danger point for many remarriages with children. Yes,
your kids were around before this spouse.
But, your spouse needs to be made a priority. Does this mean to neglect your kids? Of course not. But it does mean that you will stick up for your spouse if your kids are being rude. You will tell the kids you need to spend time with your husband or wife. You will honor the fact that your spouse is an equal partner by virtue of being an adult and the kids are kids.
2. Come to accept that you won't always make everyone happy - A remarriage with children is typically a larger family than nuclear families. The more people involved, the less likely everyone is going to agree. Your kids may be angry that you can't run them to activities every night of the week anymore. Your spouse may get their feelings hurt if parenting time schedules suddenly change and the date you had planned has to be postponed.
3.
Gauge your and your spouse's needs
- You may find that you require more time with your spouse than they do with you. This isn't wrong, it's just a difference and one that will need to be addressed. If you openly discuss it without blame or argument then options can be created. Don't just assume that your spouse doesn't love you. He/she just may not naturally require as much time as you do. The reverse is also true. If your spouse needs more time than you, that does not make them immature and clingy.
4. Remember the family comes second - Make sure that your schedules are not so chaotic and there is no time to be a family. I'm always saddened when I see families whose whole lives revolve around the schedule of the kids' extra curricular activities. Where is the family in that?
How is your remarriage with children ever supposed to become a family
if you are always avoiding everyone?
5. Be flexible but yet rigid - Things will change last minute. That's a part of life and you have to get used to that. But at the same time, you must protect your time. It's the most valuable thing we can offer people. It's not something we can ever get back. Don't commit to doing something because you believe you "have" to if it takes time away from your spouse or your family. Be firm about that. With every invitation, weigh the cost of time away from those two groups to decide if it's worth it.
For other great ideas on creating a strong and successful remarriage, I want to invite you to learn more about this great
new e-course.
Additional Remarriage with Children Articles:
Blended Family Problems? Achieve Success!
Should I Focus on Quantity or Quality?
Your Remarriage = The Weakest Link
Make Your Marriage Stronger with This
How Do I Juggle It All In My Blended Family?
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