Remarriage with Children:
3 Principles for Success

Remarriage with children is quickly becoming the most common family unit. Unfortunately, common doesn't necessarily mean "understood."

There are probably more misconceptions about step families than there are with any other family type in history. Even actual members of these families just don't get it.

In my opinion this lack of understanding is one of the primary reasons that remarriages with children disintegrate 60-75% of the time. This statistic is sad, but true. So, if you're determined to make your step family work, what will increase your odds? There are three main steps:

SUPPORT

You need to see that there are people who've gone through similar situations and have made it work. You need to hear their stories of struggle and get ideas for what worked for them.

It can feel really frustrating when you try to talk to your friends about what you're struggling with if they've never been a part of a remarriage with children. Their perspective won't be accurate because they'll be basing it on a nuclear family model. The danger is that their advice, will actually be the exact opposite of what you should be doing. I'm sure that's not their intention, but they are speaking from a place of ignorance.

A lot of remarriages with children skip this step of support. It can be embarrassing to admit you are struggling rather than living "happily ever after."

Two roadblocks to support are:

• It takes time to find families to share this depth of information with.
• There are very few organized support groups for step families right now.

Even though it may take some time, and digging I encourage you find that support. You need it to be successful.

EDUCATION

Education about what a step parent is and isn't will help decrease friction with your spouse and kids. Understanding this concept is really important in order to help the family just get along everyday.

Education about how a remarriage with children functions differently than a nuclear (mom, dad and their kids) family is essential. I've worked with far too many step families who see themselves as failures because they were assuming their family should work like their first marriage family did. They flat out don't. It doesn't mean a step family is worse - just different.

Finally, education about how your marriage fits into the mix of all the various demands of the family is required or you might just lose sight of one another. Never forget that your marriage is the glue that holds the entire family together.

FAITH

There will be times you won't like your step kids. You'll want to lash out at them and wish they never existed. This is normal human nature! Rely on God to get you through those times. Remembering the love he has for you, can help put those hard times into perspective.

Even if you have to commit your family and marriage everyday, don't give up. It is possible to succeed. No matter how bad things get, never forget, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

Now that you know how important education and support are to the success or your remarriage with children, why not get some? For education, take your time reading articles on our site. We currently have over 60 live articles with hundreds more to be added, so check back frequently.

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The support you need can easily be found in The Community. We have over 600 members who are ready and willing to offer you support, encouragement and accountability.

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