Remarriage with Children:
Creating Memories that Bond
A
remarriage with children
is quite different from a nuclear family in that not everyone has known each other for the same amount of time. This brings with it some challenges.
When a step family is first created it can function as three distinct entities. There is the newly created couple, and then there are the two original nuclear families.
Each of these entities are comfortable interacting with one another. It's when you try to mix these, discomfort and resistance can set in.
While the
process of combining of these groups needs to be slow,
some progress needs to be occurring right from the start. The best way to do this is to create mutual memories. These memories become the glue that binds strangers into a successful remarriage with children.
All of us have memories of growing up in our own families. These can consist of things as varied as different holiday traditions to silly nicknames. It's those memories that created a sense of belonging and oneness. These are missing in a new remarriage with children just by virtue of your minimal time together.
The couple unit really needs to be the one to spur the family into creating these memories. "But how?" you might ask. You've got a couple of choices here, but creativity and flexibility are the most important ingredients.
1. Try Previous Events That Worked
As a couple, talk about things you've always enjoyed doing with your own children. See what your partner thinks his/her children's' reactions would be. For example, if you and your children have always enjoyed going on nature hikes on Sunday afternoons, talk to your spouse about whether his/her children might be interested in this as well and then give it a try. If it doesn't work, at least now you know.
2. What Have you Stumbled onto Already?
Just by virtue of the amount of time you have been together, you may have found some activities that everyone seems to enjoy. As a couple, take some time to brainstorm activities you've done as an entire family that seemed to have gone well. Figure out how you might be able repeat these or modify them to be successful.
3. Get Input from the Kids
Do a quick family meeting with "fun activities" on the agenda. Ask the kids what they enjoy doing. Make sure the kids understand, this doesn't mean you're going to do all of them. You're just brainstorming for their ideas.
4. Create a collection
Finally, as a family, I encourage you to have a jar or a notebook where you keep little reminders of important memories that have been created. This will allow people to just throw one in from time to time as they come up.
Early on, things can be tough
in a remarriage with children. No one feels especially comfortable.
Keeping a brief list of these memories to refer back to on really hard days can help you remember why you continue to strive forward. It's also fun as a family, to go back and look at these silly memories to see just how far you've all come.
We've just covered a few of the differences between nuclear and step families. I want to encourage you to continue educating yourself. I want to offer you a
free audio
covering even more of these differences.
Additional Remarriage with Children Articles:
Without This Your Step Family Will Fail
What's Your Definition of Family Success?
Enjoy the Journey with Your Step Family
5 of the Most Common Step Family Problems
5 More Common Blended Family Problems
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