Relationships After Divorce
How Do You Know It's Healthy?

"What makes relationships after divorce healthy?" I can't tell you how often I've been asked this question.

I could rattle off a laundry list of characteristics, trying to sound well educated. But most of you already know them.

Instead, I found a quote in an email recently sent to me by a friend. I believe it states the answer better than any words I could ever put together.

So, here goes: this is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship after divorce or anytime.

"Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."

You don't require that partner to make you happy - You are comfortable enough with yourself to seek out your own joys and hobbies to find fulfillment. Likewise, you trust your partner to allow them to do the same. Unlike what Hollywood tries to sell us, happiness in relationships after divorce, isn't something your partner can give you. It's something you must find within yourself and then can share with a partner.

You can survive independently of the relationship personally & financially - You are in this relationship after divorce because it enhances your life. It's a free choice for both of you. There's no dependence involved. This gives both of you the freedom to invest in yourselves as individuals and the relationship as a whole which only makes both stronger.

The gestures of love you make to your partner are unselfish - True love is by it's nature unselfish but we twist it for selfish desires all the time. We do things for our partner's expecting something in return even if it's just a simple, "Thank you." If your love exceeds your need, then your motives will be pure. They are done purely for the benefit of the other person with no later "cost" involved.

I bring this subject up because I think it's very important to measure your relationships after divorce by this yardstick. You and your children have already gone through the difficult transition of a divorce. We are committed to helping divorced parents find their own remarriage success.

All the tips and suggestions in the world won't work if your relationship after divorce, isn't based on love but rather on need. So, be honest with yourself. Take a good hard look in the mirror. Are you with this person because you need a relationship right now, or are you really in it to enhance both your life and that of your children?

Additional Articles:

Return to Home Page