Are You Ready for
Relationships After Divorce?

Relationships after divorce take some preparation if they're going to be worthwhile. I have had many a divorced parent tell me if they hear the phrase, "You'll move on" once more they'll strangle someone. Somehow people seem to think that phrase is consoling phrase. Personally, I'm not so sure.
The problem with it is that it doesn't mean anything. "Moving on" sounds good, but what does it really mean?

• How do you know when you've done it?
• What's involved in doing it?

I'd like to suggest, instead something a little more practical in the way of divorce advice. Rather than "move on", I'd like to suggest that you focus on becoming comfortable with being single. When first divorced, you may be really uncomfortable about doing things like going out to eat or to a movie alone. Depending on when you got married, you may never have done those things before. You may have gone straight from mom & dad's house to your married home. Doing things alone may be completely foreign to you. Fears of what people will think about you doing "couple" activities solo will creep in and make you doubt yourself.

You know you're better prepared for relationships after divorce when you stop worrying so much about what other people think. In fact, you may have discovered you enjoy doing those things solo. It costs less and you don't have to have conversations with anyone if you don't want to. You can now revel in time by yourself instead of needing constant companionship. A sense of calm and comfort in who you are is now present.

Finally, another great way to know you're ready for relationships

after divorce is when you aren't constantly on the "prowl" to find a date because you fear being alone.

Being by yourself on a Saturday is no longer the worst thing you can think of. In fact, you may find yourself looking forward to having some downtime while the kids are at their other parent's house. You have your own plans now - plans that you enjoy. Some of those plans will include others, but they don't HAVE to due to discomfort of being alone.

Depending on how long it's been since the divorce, this may seem like a place you'll never be able to reach. I encourage you to hold your chin up high and prove to yourself just how strong you are.

Believe it or not, being comfortable with being single is an essential step toward remarriage success. Research shows over and over again that people who choose to be in relationships after divorce in order to compliment the lives they've already established are much more successfully remarried than those that rush into one to feel complete.

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