Preparing for Marriage: Why Wait On a Remarriage with Children?
Here's Why...
Preparing for marriage, especially remarriage with children, usually seems like a waste of time to divorced parents. This is a trap though. I want to review why...
I was recently asked about a statistic I frequently quote. It states that:
"Remarriages have the greatest chance for success
when both partners have been divorced for
at least 2 years and dated for 2 years."
I'm the first to admit that's a long time, but I was bothered by some of the comments this quote received in my
online community
and decided to address them further...
First off, I want to remind you that statistics are averages. But, they are based on a large number of people, so they tend to indicate trends. But because they are averages, that means they won't apply to everyone.
There are lots of people who don't wait "2 years" and have a happy remarriage with children and there are lots of people who wait longer than that who and up re- divorcing.
With that being said,
it's important for every couple to make their own decision regarding preparing for marriage.
My caution for you is to be sure it's a decision made with your head not your heart.
Life's too short
I agree, so why put yourself in a position to waste years of your life in a relationship that could wind up being worse than your last marriage? Relationships are typically good during the first year. It's in that second year that the masks come off and we truly get a better picture of the real person.
Taking this extra year to really see who you're with isn't "wasting" time. It's that time of preparing for marriage that will help you and your children feel confident that this is the right step for your family.
I'm wanting to have more children and waiting puts that at risk due to my age
I'm very bothered by this rationale for not waiting 2 years to prepare for marriage. Are you marrying because you want a marriage or to legitimize the ability to have children? I know that sounds a little harsh. But if you've already seen how difficult a divorce can be for you and your children, does it make any sense to risk rushing into a new marriage to have more children who could become children of divorce?
When you finally find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want that life to start now
I don't think anyone would disagree with this, but it's our hearts (flesh) speaking. The flesh never wants to wait. It wants what it wants now.
A perfect example is the fact that our hearts are the ones responsible for not wanting to wait for things we don't have money for and rack up incredible credit card debt. Our hearts/flesh don't have good judgment.
It shows real maturity to choose wait while you're preparing for marriage. This allows you to be confident -in your head- that a remarriage with children is the right decision for everyone involved.
Sometimes life is about chances and if you don't take them then you're not really living
There definitely are areas in our lives where this applies. Sometimes we do have to just step out in faith. But remarriage and all of the consequences this has for our children is not one of them.
A remarriage with children isn't a decision that will only affect you.
It affects numerous people and isn't a decision to leave up to chance. Leaving it up to chance is what happens when only 20% of remarrying couples do any type of preparing for marriage. This leads to the re- divorce rate for remarriages with children being close to 75%. I know that's just more statistics, but those are the facts based on hundreds of thousands of couples.
I know this sounds a little brutal, but it's thoughts like those above, that lead so many couples astray. They assume all the details will fall into place once those magic words of "I do" are said
so no preparation is necessary.
That's the stuff of fairy tales and Hollywood. But we live in the real world. I'm committed to helping couples live in the real world, prepare for marriage in the real world, and experience a real world success.
If you're looking for other ways to achieve success by preparing for marriage, I want to encourage you to get more
education
and
support
with me, here at Remarriage Success. Take your time. Look around and you'll find hundreds of articles created with you in mind.
Additional Remarriage with Children Articles:
Don't "Re-Do" Your "I Do" in 2nd Marriages Before You Read This
Why Do We Need to Prepare This Time?
Healthy Relationship Tips for Remarriage - Is Love Enough?
What Do I Need to Consider w/the Kids & My Remarriage?
Why Should I Prepare for 2nd Marriages?
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