Article on Parenting Styles: What Can
Divorced Parents Do if Their Styles Differ?
In this article on parenting styles, I acknowledged that a lot of divorced parents have different styles when it comes to raising their kids. I mean you're divorced because you didn't feel like you could live together anymore. You no longer choose to have them be an important person in your life. But, you've got to remember when you have children together, you will always be connected.
This is the often ignored dirty secret of divorce with children. You can't just pretend your ex wife or ex-husband doesn't exist. You do have to
interact with them when it comes to your children.
This will be our focus in this article on parenting styles.
Accepting your continued connection with your ex is essential if you're going to be effective at coparenting. The sooner you let go of the dream of just writing your ex out of your life, the sooner you can get down to the business of raising your children together.
One of the biggest mistakes I see divorced parents make is not backing each other up. This sets everyone up for failure.
Are you always going to agree
with the parenting styles your ex wife or ex-huband chooses to use with your children? Not likely!
Were these disagreements part of what lead to the divorce in the first place? Possibly. Even if you disagree, you must back your ex spouse up.
For example, if your son shows up at your house crying because dad grounded him from TV for a week because he lied about taking the trash out, you need to support your ex's stance on that.
I'm not saying you have to agree with the decision! You just have to
back up the decision in front of your kids.
This is not the time to say: "Well, everybody makes a mistake. I don't understand why your father makes such a big deal about those things. I never did." This completely undermines dad's authority and teaches your child that you can be manipulated.
In this article on parenting styles, I want to suggest that, if you disagree with your ex's decision, then take it up with him/her. But be careful here. Make sure it's something you disagree with enough to warrant a discussion. Don't go fighting over minor details. In case you're having trouble telling them apart. The above example = minor detail.
I encourage you to do your best to never let your child know you disagree with the parenting style their other parent uses (unless there's a case of clear abuse). Your stance, in front of your children, should be one of agreement with their other parent.
In order to be able to discuss concerns or disagreements with your ex wife or ex-husband, it's important to keep an open line of communication with them. This may take a lot of work and biting of your tongue. Ultimately it is the best situation for your children though.
This article on parenting styles identifies, anger between ex spouses
as the main reason, ex's clash and co parenting falls apart. This can really harm your kids. If you're
still struggling with letting go of anger,
I encourage you to work on it sooner rather than later.
Additional Single Parent Articles:
Different Parenting Views Aren't An Excuse to Bash Your Ex
Divorced Parents, You Don't Need to Have the Same Rules
It's Time to Let Go of that Divorce Anger
Anger Management After Divorce: It's Time to Live Your Life
Coparenting Success Guidelines
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