A Parenting Plan Within Your Child Custody Agreement: Who Should Attend the Kids' Events?Creating a parenting plan can save you a lot of headaches with your child custody agreement. Whether it be birthday parties, graduation, spring music recitals or baseball games there are going to be situations where your children will want both you and your ex present at the same time.
This will become a particularly challenging situation if an effective parenting plan for your child custody agreement isn't in place. Things get even more confusing if you're in a new relationship. Is it ok to bring your new partner, or should it just be biological parents? When you begin developing your parenting plan, remember that the focus needs to remain on the kids, not you and negative feelings toward your ex.
But, if you truly know a conflict will occur, then it's in your child's best interest to avoid one another and continue to try to improve your child custody agreement in the future. Because I know this can be an emotional subject, I'd like to offer a few suggestions to help you create a successful parenting plan:
Civility goes a long wayThe good old "Golden Rule" is the focus here for the parenting plan. You don't have to stand around and have a long drawn out conversation, but being polite is necessary. Remember, you're there for your kids.Let's take a look at whether new partners should be present. If it will cause things to disintegrate into an argument, is it worth it? Again I caution you, this isn't the time to "make a stand" about your new life and love. This is about a few hours dedicated to an event for your child.
Preparation the keyYou know your ex and the buttons that can get pushed just by seeing him/her, let alone if you end up having a conversation. Prepare yourself as best you can for this. Maybe plan a quick escape route if necessary. For most kids, just having you make an appearance is the key. Your child custody agreement doesn't have to include standing around for an hour in a situation that makes you highly uncomfortable.If it's the end of year awards program at school, or some other one time event, then nobody says you have to sit near your ex spouse. Think about ways for you both to be there and not have to interact much. Be creative
If this isn't a one time only event, then you don't have to go at the same time as your ex wife or ex-husband. It's perfectly acceptable to have 2 separate birthday parties for your children with their different sides of the family. Why put yourself through not only seeing your ex, but also their entire family!?
Is this easy? Of course not! But there are going to be situations where your children are going to want both of you there. It adds a sense of normalcy for them. Is it always going to be possible? Probably not, but as often as you can make that happen, the better. Also, bear in mind that the first time will probably be the hardest. That next time won't be as difficult because you'll have proven to yourself you can do it and you'll have that parenting plan perfected by then. If you'd like more info on being able to parent effectively with your ex, I'd like to invite you to become a part of our Tip of the Week newsletter. Additional Articles on this Topic:Getting Back to "Normal"Adjusting to Your New Life: Time to Move On Parenting Styles Differ? Try This Technique Different Parenting Styles Isn't An Excuse to Bash Your Ex Divorced Parents, You Don't Need to Have the Same Rules Joint Custody and Your Role w/Your Children After Divorce Make Sure You Do This Before Visitation Switches Be Sure to Bring This When You Swap the Kids w/Your Ex Co Parenting - What Is It & How Does It Work? Co Parenting Success Guidelines
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Is it possible for you and your ex wife / ex-husband to have a child custody agreement to be in the same room together without World War III erupting? If so, then I encourage you to do it. This is the best parenting plan scenario.
