Don't Waste Your Life After Divorce

It's not unusual for divorced parents to have some emotional scars in their life after divorce. I was talking to a friend the other day. She was complaining about her mother in law. I felt so sad after talking to her because of the wasted life she described. I want to share it with you in the hopes that you will learn from this woman's mistakes and have a more joyful life after divorce.

Here's the scenario:

Her husband had an affair 25 years ago. His mistress became pregnant. Once the wife found out about all of this, she made him leave and divorced him immediately. Since then, she's been married 3 other times. She made it her life's mission to make their son hate his father and blame his half brother for destroying his family.

Let's break this down and look at choices that could have resulted in a more fruitful life after divorce for this woman and her son.

Her husband had an affair 25 years ago - All of this happened a lifetime ago! Yes the pain is incredible. I don't take that away from her for one moment! But she had a choice to hold on to that divorce anger and become embittered by it or choose to develop an anger management plan so she could let it go and create a new life. Unfortunately, she chose to hold on to the anger and let an event that happened so long ago continue to control her life after divorce.

Since then, she's been married 3 other times - This is exactly what I warn against repeatedly. This woman was in no shape to remarry the first time, let alone the second or third. She's still emotionally married to her first husband! Remarrying in this scenario was unfair and selfish to her other partners. If those partners had children, think about all the lives that have been affected negatively by her choice to hold onto her divorce anger.

She made it her life's mission to make her son hate his father and blame his half brother for destroying his family - In my humble opinion, this is the worst part. While again, I agree she had every reason to be mad at her ex-husband for what he did, she unfairly used that anger to manipulate her son.

Think about what life must have been like growing up for him. Imagine what going to see his father was like. I'm sure he'd come home and his mother would chase after him asking about every little detail in his father's life and about the new baby. Is it any wonder that my friend described this son(now her husband) as having a lot of fears about her leaving him and can be rather possessive?

While yes, this is an extreme case I wanted to share it with you. I don't want you to follow in this woman's footsteps in your life after divorce. All of us make choices everyday that may seem minor at the time, but can have an extreme impact on our lives.

All of us experience pain and struggles in this life as well. We can choose to allow them to distort and change who we are, or we can use them as a springboard to force us to grow.

My prayer for each and every one of you, is to grow from your experience of divorce, rather than become something disfigured and ugly. I recommend 2 ways to begin that growth: continue learning and
gain support.

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