Joint Custody: Your Child Custody
Agreement Creates New Roles With Your Kids
Joint custody causes changes to the amount of time you spend with your children. Many divorced parents don't realize the impact these child custody agreements have on their relationships with their children. For kids, time equals love. Let's look at two possible roles you may play:
Custodial Parents
In a joint custody arrangement, you are the ones the kids see the most. That doesn't necessarily mean you've been involved though.
A divorce can be emotionally traumatic,
leaving some parents ill-equipped for all of the changes and responsibilities they are suddenly faced with. Even if you "check out" and withdraw there are still things that need to get done. That usually falls on the kids' shoulders even though they may be hurting just as much as you.
It's important to put your feelings and fears aside if even for an hour so that you can focus on your kids. When the kids at your home, as dictated by your
child custody agreement, give them the time they need from you
to feel safe and secure that you're there for them as their parent not just their provider.
Non-Custodial Parents
You have the greatest potential to impact your children in either a
positive or negative way in a joint custody arrangement.
In this child custody agreement, you are the one your children miss the most. They're used to seeing you on a regular basis and now that has changed. Unfortunately, a lot of parents have a hard time with this too and deal with it by spending even less time with their kids, because it's just too painful to see them.
I can't stress enough how much damage this does to your children. They don't understand your reasoning and only see it as you abandoning them when they need you the most. I'm also going to take a hard stand here and say you are being selfish. You're choosing your needs over your children's when you do this.
They Need You
Kids need to know you love them. That's why you went for joint custody rather than sole, isn't it? Your children know you love them when you are regularly present in their lives. When that doesn't happen then one of two things will happen:
- They will act out in such a way that forces you to be more involved (even if that means you're yelling at them)
- They will act on the surface like they're ok with it, but what they're really doing is pulling inside themselves. This ultimately puts them at risk for depression and drug use later.
Show your kids they're a priority.
Don't just tell them.
Invest in your kids today with your time.
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Additional Single Parent Articles
Child Custody Agreements & Visitation Time Transitions
Strategies for Your Child Custody Agreement: Make Sure You Do this Before Visitations Switches
Help for Single Parents: Accepting Changes When Single Parenting
Co Parenting for Divorced Parents - What Is Coparenting & How Does It Work?
Co Parenting Guidelines: Successful Coparenting for Divorced Parents
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