Divorce Revenge - How to Let It
Go and Move Forward
Divorce revenge, like grief, has the potential to keep you fixated on the past instead of what lies ahead of you. While for many,
there is a time of grief
during the divorce process, there is also a time of rebirth that needs to happen. If this doesn't occur, you run the risk of becoming stuck. One surefire way of getting stuck occurs in your thought life. Let's focus on one of the most common thoughts that will stick you every time!
Thoughts of Divorce Revenge
While this is common for newly divorced parents, if these thoughts carry on for years you've gone a little too far. It's normal to want to get "even" when we're hurt. We want the rest of the world to know just how bad our ex wife or ex-husband was. We want them to hurt as bad as we're hurting. We want our ex to experience the financial struggle that we may be experiencing. But just because these thoughts are normal - doesn't mean they're healthy for you - in the long run.
What's Wrong With Divorce Revenge?
- Divorce revenge and anger will overflow to other parts of your life. - While the anger starts out directed at your ex, the more you hold onto it, the more it begins to take over your life. You'll start being grouchy at your children, co-workers and even friends. It's hard to contain these negative thoughts. They can begin to taint all your emotions.
- It's born out of
divorce anger
but indifference is the goal - I frequently tell my coaching clients that "The opposite of love is NOT hate, it's indifference." You want to reach the point where your ex wife or ex-husband isn't really even on the radar of your thought life anymore. Sure, you'll have to
deal with them when it comes to the kids,
but beyond that you really don't need to think about them much anymore.
- You see the world through "angry eyes". When we reach a point where we're angry most of the time, then all we pay attention to are the things that continue to make us mad. We're less likely to notice the joyful times. The situations that go smoothly or are fun get ignored or are somehow skewed to fit with our angry lifeview.
- Thoughts of revenge hurt your kids. - If you walk around angry and grouchy all of the time not only will that seep into your interactions with your kids, but it will make
co parenting
downright impossible. You'll always be poised for a fight around your ex. Your children love both of you. Witnessing these fights, or even feeling the "vibes" of divorce revenge is painful for them.
So, why stay stuck?
It's time to let those thoughts of divorce revenge die.
Move forward into the future that's waiting for you rather than clinging to a past full of hurt and divorce anger.
Additional Divorce Anger Articles:
It's Time to Let Go of That Anger
Anger Management After Divorce: It's Time to Live Your Life
Don't Waste Your Life to Anger
Top 3 Reasons for Divorce Anger
But don't just read what I have to say about anger after divorce.
Share your own stories and read what others have shared.
Return to Home Page
|
