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Different Parenting Styles

by Mom
(Seattle)

Hello,

I am a divorced single mom of two daughters (ages 4 and 8) and am recently engaged to a great, but child-less man (formerly also divorced).

My daughters and I are very close and I've been head of our single-parent household basically since the younger one was born. I am looking forward to beginning the next stage of life with my partner, but I have had the liberty of being the sole rule-setter/enforcer.

Part of me is looking forward to having more 'help' and to have a great man to co-parent with- and to model a good relationship with for my children, but the other part of me is mourning the loss of having all the authority in the home.

Do you have any suggestions on how best to bring my fiance' up to speed on my parenting style? The girls, my partner and I have spent a lot of time together over the past 2.5 yrs and he has an excellent rapport with the girls so far.

Thanks,
Mom in Seattle

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Different Parenting Styles

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Dec 02, 2009
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by: Alyssa

Hi and thanks for posting your question,

I'm pleased to see that your children and fiance have known each other for a long time. The rapport part is SO important.

As far as "rule setter." You will still remain in that role. Your husband, by virtue of living in the house, will have some input. But ultimately you need to remain the disciplinarian.

He is not their parent - you are. They are used to you being in that disciplinarian role. A lot of new step families make the mistake of thinking that once remarried the step parent takes on a "parenting role" and that's just not the case.

I would encourage your fiance to continue fostering strong relationships with your children. But make sure the two of you discuss parenting beliefs and values. It's important to get his input and for him to understand your rationale on things so that you don't butt heads once you're married.

I'd really encourage you to click on the "Growing Closer" button in the nav bar on the left under "Step Family Success." Take some time and read through some of these articles. I think they will help clarify what I'm talking about here.

I wish you the very best!

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