Christian Beliefs:
Is Divorce The Unforgiveable Sin?

Christian beliefs toward divorced parents historically have been very harmful. Yes, divorce hurts a lot of people. I don't think many people would take up issue with this. But the reasons people get hurt are as varied as the divorces themselves. As a Christian though, I've been horribly offended by the lack of support offered to divorced parents from the church.

The ideal Church is meant to be an extended family where we can share our common Christian beliefs, feel safe, accepted and loved. Unfortunately because the Church is made up of people and we're all sinful, it falls short of that ideal.

It can easily become, judgmental, hard hearted and cruel if not carefully guarded. This, unfortunately has been more the norm rather than the exception when it comes to Christian beliefs about divorce.

I want to take this opportunity to look at some of the more common "Christian" reactions to divorce and discuss why they are inappropriate and even downright damaging not only to divorced parents but to our church and community at large.

If we acknowledge them, we're condoning what they've done

Failing to acknowledge someone is not showing love. Telling people they have to leave their church because of a divorce isn't showing love. Divorce happens for a number of reasons. Regardless of the reasons, Jesus told us in John 13:34, "As I have loved, so you must love one another." One way of demonstrating our christian beliefs in love, is to offer support.

Research has shown us for the past 10 years that that despite Christian beliefs, Christian marriages divorce at the same rate or even a little higher than non-Christian marriages. So when churches try to rationalize that they are trying to isolate themselves from the "contagiousness" of divorce, it doesn't make sense.

Instead they are sending the message to hurting people that they are unlovable. Those who've been rejected by their spouse already feel this way.

Your church family needs to be a place where you know you can be accepted and loved. Do these religious communities not realize what it does to our spirits to be rejected from our spiritual community as well?

The danger for these churches is not an increase in their divorce rate. It is quickly developing a reputation in their community for the "Christian values" of judgmentalness, and non-acceptance. How are these churches expecting to grow and bring people to Christ if they are perceived in this way?

These children need to know what their divorced parents have done

I've had several devastated parents come into my office because of this. They already feel betrayed by a church community that's practically ex-communicating them, only to find out that their children have been singled out as well.

Children are the innocent victims in a divorce. But yet, people who think they are "doing the right thing" will pull these kids aside to be sure to tell them what horrible people their parents are.

This is destructive to children at any age. These kids are hurting. Their life as they've known it is over and they are trying to make sense of what is going on now. To have some "well intentioned" person then come up and start belittling their parents causes confusion and anger.

No good comes from this. The children had no say in this adult decision of divorce. They also have no say in trying to help them reconcile. By pulling these kids aside in this way, they are made to feel as if they need to "fix" a situation they have no control over.

It's an unforgivable sin

Divorce is a sin. The Bible is very clear on that. Christian beliefs do not waver on this point. But lying, cheating, and not honoring your parents are sins as well. God doesn't have a hierarchy of sin.

Sin is sin and "the wages of sin is death." That's the point of the cross. Jesus suffered there so that ALL of us could be forgiven. Man is the one who put more emphasis on specific sins.

It is a slap in the face to everything Jesus died for to label divorce "unforgivable."

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